Brokedown Palace
by Michelle Drake
Summary: Ryan returns from Chino to find that while he was gone the gold luster of Newport has become a shadow of what it once was and all the people he loved aren't the same ones he left. (lots of drama and angst to come)UPDATE
1. Chapter One

Author's note: My attempt at a post-finale fanfic and a version of how the season premiere could possibly go. Please leave feedback J

Summary: Ryan returns from Chino to find that while he was gone the gold luster of Newport has become a shadow of what it once was and all the people he loved aren't the same ones he left.

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Brokedown Palace  
Michelle Drake

* * *

Ignoring his own broken, tired reflection in the car window, Ryan stared out at the California scenery from the stretch of highway that slowly led the way toward the ocean view palaces and beach front paradises that used to glitter in the distance. Everything was starting to feel familiar, like home, but he was so detached from his surroundings that he knew nothing would ever be familiar again. He should have known he could only float between the two worlds for only so long before he lost his place in both. He was always going to be an outsider, no matter what direction he went.

"Ryan, you don't have to leave. You can still stay."

He stayed silent, ever muscle in his body tight and tense.

"I can't." His voice was tense and emotionless. Intent on distancing himself the best he could, he continued to watch the scenery go by until the world was nothing but a blur of gray. As he let his mind wander he went back to where it all went wrong, feeling a lump in his throat that was too hard to swallow.

. . .

"Coffee?"

"No," Kirsten answered, picking up the newspaper and walking out to the poolside sullenly.

Sandy sighed and followed her out quietly.

"They are going to find him Kirsten. He's a big boy. He'll be home."

"Sandy, I don't want to talk about it. I know he'll be back, but-" her voice broke. She let Sandy wrap his arms around her before she fell apart.

"We've raised a good kid. He'll be back," Sandy reassured although he felt like he was starting to lie to himself. Summer was almost over and Seth was still gone and so was the family he had worked so hard to protect.

. . .

From her balcony Marissa looked out onto the ocean. The sun was setting on the horizon casting an orange glow all around her that anyone else would look at as beautiful. As the waves rolled in all she could think about was how monotonous everything was, the waves rolling in and out, the orange glow cast by the rising and setting sun. The same cycle, the never ending pain and sadness and the escape and numbness that always followed. Running so fast, but never getting anywhere, she couldn't find a way out. Falling into a endless pit of darkness she had no one to catch her at the bottom when she needed someone the most.

She reached for the silver flask that she kept in her handbag and let the burning liquid run down her throat as she waited for the numbness to help her through the rest of the day.

. . .

As Theresa's pale yellow car entered the gated enclosure that was Newport he could feel her eyes on him, begging him to not leave, asking him to change his mind. He squirmed under her gaze and finally met her line of vision. He knew she wanted him to ask her to turn around and go back to Chino and forgive and forget everything that had happened. If only it were that simple.

"If it helps any, I am sorry." She tried as hard as she could to get something, anything out of him, pleading with him as best she could. He hadn't spoken more than a few words to her, here and there for days. Once again, without fail her attempt was met with a cold, loud silence that cut deeper than any angry words or accusations could. "Will you say something?"

"What do you want me to say Teresa? What do you want me to say?!" He finally answered, the second time enunciating each word with emphasis a little more loudly, his voice as tense as the muscles in his back and neck.

As they rounded the cul-de-sac that lead to the Cohen's mansion she stopped the car and grabbed his hand tightly in one last attempt to make amends and bring things right again.

"You haven't said more than two words to me since-" she paused for a second, looking for the right wording as she stared up at him with glassy eyes

"-since I learned that this entire time, you-" Ryan had just as much trouble finding the right words, his voice heavy and low as he tried. He shook his head and looked away from her, clenching his jaw tightly. He took a deep breath and pulled his hand away from hers.

Theresa looked down at her lap, a tear falling down her cheek. Her tears were in vain as Ryan opened the door, grabbed his luggage and turned his back quickly. He refused to let her see the fear, apprehension and sadness etched in his own face.

He stood at the bottom of the winding driveway, his stomach knotted so tightly it hurt to breathe. He looked toward the ocean and the pale glow cast by the setting sun, and surveyed the rest of the houses around the Cohen's yard. He drew in a breath of salty sea air, and looked up the driveway to the place that had been the only place he ever felt home. It was the one place he wanted to be more than anything, yet even at the end of the driveway he never felt farther away than he did at that moment.

. . .

Author's Note: More to come soon. More on what happened between Teresa and Ryan, how Marissa will take the news of Ryan's returne, what Seth has been up to and whether Newport will be home again. Please leave feedback and more will come J


	2. Chapter Two

Author's Note: I normally don't update so soon, but I thought I better get this written before the idea escapes me. I had some trouble finding the right way to write Ryan and Marissa's initial reunion, so feedback is welcomed. More to come soon about Seth and Summer and the rest of the cast and what happened in Chino. Enjoy

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Brokedown Palace  
Chapter Two  
Michelle Drake

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With a deep breath Ryan slowly began to walk up the driveway. The hum of Teresa's car engine was still prominent in the background. Ryan paused and could feel Teresa holding her breath, waiting for him to turn around, urging him to come back with her. Turning his head, he looked back at her, eyes; sad but hopeful. He turned back around and opened the car door. 

"It's not what you think," he said sullenly.

"Then what is it?" The hopeful look in her eyes was replaced by the cold reality of their situation. She knew exactly what Ryan was thinking, and it killed her little by little.

"Not now. I can't-" He looked toward the house with a lump in his throat. "I can't go back. Not yet."

Teresa put the car in drive, already knowing where the next destination would be.

. . .

Marissa continued to stare out at the ocean until everything became a blur as the alcohol set in. From her balcony she could see a couple walking on the sand below, holding hands, stealing kisses in a blissful state of infatuation. Both of them were wrapped in the moment and the beauty of what they had. A perfect moment accented by the setting sun on the golden ocean that Marissa could barely stand to look at anymore.

Another drink and they turned to a blur in a mix of alcohol and salty tears.  
  
Helplessly alone, Marissa retreated back into her bedroom, ready to collapse on her bed and hope that tomorrow would be a different day, a day that didn't end like every other day, her in tears waiting for her pain to be numbed.

Turning away from the scene of the beach, she let out a tiny gasp.

"Ryan?" she questioned quickly wiping away a tear before it was noticed.

"Hey."  
  
"You don't call, you don't email, you don't so much as-" her words slurred together slightly and the world started to spin. She paused a minute to collect herself, and looked at him with glazed eyes. "That's all you have to say? I have to say, you haven't changed a bit Chino," she noted bitterly. "Ryan Atwood, man of words," she scoffed sarcastically.

Ryan stood silently in front of her, all confidence that he had about reuniting with her had disappeared. Maybe going to her first was a bad idea. He had expected her to be angry, he expected her to not want to see him, he had even expected her to kick his ass all the way back to Chino, but he hadn't expected to find her drunk and broken. Looking at her unfocused eyes, a pang of guilt surged through his body. What happened while he was gone?

"I wanted to call- I thought that-" he began with a hushed, serious tone trying to explain something that couldn't be explained. He had wanted to call, but it was always the wrong timing. He had dialed her number so many times, but always hung up before the call could be completed.

"What are you doing back?" she interrupted him with a sharp edge, the alcohol making her much more confrontational.

"I- it-" he looked for the right words. "It's a long story."

"That explains a lot," she remarked, pausing before asking once more, "Why didn't you call?"

Ryan began to realize just what a mistake coming back was. Even more he was beginning to see what a mistake it was leaving in the first place. He had left everything with everyone completely open and unresolved. The same feeling he had when he first came to Newport, the awkward uneasiness of being a fish our of water, an outsider in a world that wasn't his, was starting to wash over him.

"What are you doing here?" she continued interrogating him. "Did you realize that Teresa was just using you? Did you realize that she was just jealous of the life you had? Or did you realize what a complete and total mistake you made just leaving like that-" she continued in a stream of consciousness of words and thoughts that she had been waiting to voice since Ryan left.

"It wasn't like that-" Ryan began.

"What are you doing here?" Marissa asked again more forcibly, her blue eyes cutting deeply into Ryan's troubled gaze.

Ryan paused, looking down at the floor and then back at Marissa. He knew she was drunk, but she still deserved to know that truth. He had already come this far and turning back now wasn't an option.

"I missed you," he said softly, staring at her intensely, still feeling uncomfortable and out of place in the only place he had ever been happy.

"You didn't call. You didn't write. You-" Marissa voice cut in, suddenly full of emotion, her eyes welled up with tears suddenly.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't want your sorry. You just left me all alone," she spoke sadly, letting a tear run down her cheek. "Do me a favor, and do what you do best. Just leave."

Ryan reached out with a trembling hand to wipe her cheek but Marissa pushed him away. Ryan quickly stuffed his hands in his pockets and continued to stand in front of her awkwardly in the heavy silence, not knowing what was next.

He was finally close enough to touch her yet she had never been more unreachable. How could he begin to explain to her what he was doing back and just how much he had missed being with her. There were so many reasons he had to come back to Newport, and on his list, she was number one.  
  
Marissa brought her hand to her eyes as the world spun again, blurred by the tears and alcohol. She visibly swayed, causing Ryan to quickly move to her side.

"Don't touch me, I'm fine," she slurred.

"No you're not," Ryan countered, mentally kicking himself for ever leaving her. "Sit down," he instructed, helping her sit on the edge of her bed.

"No. Just leave me alone, and get out. You can't just come back and start trying to take care of me! Where were you when I need you most? You can't just try to fix things after not calling, and just . . . If I didn't love you so much I would hate you. You- you just, and-" There was so much on her mind that nothing was making any sense anymore.

"I'm sorry," Ryan repeated, his voice wavering slightly at how broken they were. "You're right. I- I am going to go," he slowly surrendered, knowing that nothing would be the same between them again. They had been though so much, but after everything that had happened, he knew that things would never be fully put back together again.

"No," Marissa whispered tearfully, suddenly laying down on her side on her bed. "Please stay," she said in her drunken state, not wanting to be alone any longer. She didn't want to talk anymore, she just needed to be held.

Ryan nodded a silent yes and crawled into bed next to her, wrapping his arm around her, burying his face in her hair, the smell of her shampoo the first familiarly comforting things he encountered since he arrived back in Newport. He breathed in deeply as a shudder ran down his spine. Everything was so messed up and wrong since he had arrived, yet laying in bed with Marissa in his arms was exactly what he needed.

. . .

In the moonlight, Seth was laying a blanket out on the beach below, miles away from the massive estates and gigantic mansions of Newport, the boat he had been using all summer tied to a nearby dock.

"Just me and the waves," he said to himself, taking companionship in his own loneliness as he breathed in a deep breath of cool, ocean air.

Staring up at the stars above, his mind wander to Summer and his mom and dad. He hadn't contacted them once since the day he left, and he knew the summer was drawing to a close. He missed them but he was sure they were getting along fine without him.

"I don't have to go back," he whispered to the darkness. "As much as I love them, I am not going back."

. . .

Author's note: More to come soon. Feedback and comments always welcomed.


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